Um, hi....

Hey, would you look at that - it's been 6 months since my last post. How did that happen? Oh, I know, it's because I'm not really much of a writer. So, how have I been? Good, can't complain, really. It's not like I haven't been busy in the last 6 months. Ever since I joined Crossfit in April 2012, it's been like a whirlwind of busyness. Well, not really, but I'm definitely busier than before I joined. I still go twice a week most weeks, sometimes more. I've been gaining strength - I can now clean 105 lbs, snatch 75 lbs & deadlift 205 lbs, so I'm definitely improving. I need to work on my mobility, my cardio &, well, everything but weightlifting, really. Not that my weightlifting doesn't have room for improvement. It totally does. I've made so many friends at my gym, though, so even though I'm still as lazy as ever, my friends keep me coming back.

So, what else has been happening? Andrew & I travelled to the UK again, in May. That was a blast! Andrew had to go for work again, so we were in London for the first 3 days. We stayed in a pretty ritzy area this time - Mayfair. It was still within walking distance of the cafe I worked at when I lived in London during the summer of 1992, so I walked up there a couple of times for lunch (once with Andrew, once without). I love exploring that part of London, lots & lots of money there! On my way from the hotel to the cafe I passed 4 luxury car dealerships (shopfronts, really) - Porsche, Jaguar, Rolls Royce & Bentley (where I saw a Bugatti Veyron, for reals - when I told Andrew that he had to go check it out for himself!), several antique galleries (really ancient Roman, Greek, oriental antiques - very very cool), fashion boutiques, a yacht "store" (just models in that one, but even the yacht models were gorgeous - and that's coming from someone who is NOT a fan of watercraft). Of course I had the same crepe I've always had at "my" cafe - chopped bacon, cheese & sour cream, folded up into a parcel of yummy, yummy goodness. I had the same thing both times I went to the cafe this time, and I was so happy to be able to finally, FINALLY bring Andrew to the cafe for a crepe (chicken & asparagus, in case you're wondering), after 22 years! After London we rented a car & drove to Birmingham for the day, so I could check out the huge security show they hold in the UK every year. It was a chance to meet my European customers & salesguys, plus it was free & had free wi-fi, so it was a chance I couldn't pass up! I hadn't told my Toronto co-workers that I was attending, so they were very confused & surprised to see me. That alone was worth the trip! From Birmingham we headed to Shitterton, to stay again at the 500 year old farmhouse that we stayed at the last time we were in the UK 4 years ago. We were able to spend lots & lots of time at Monkey World this time (last time we arrived 1 hour before closing, so we really had to rush past all of the apes & primates), it is such a wonderful place! One of my favourite places ever. It's right next to a tank proving ground (you know, army tanks, not storage tanks), so after Monkey World we headed to the tank museum next door. Had a lovely lunch, then checked out hundreds upon hundreds of tanks. Well, Andrew did - my feet gave out after the main hall. The next day we headed for Cardiff, to the Doctor Who Experience, which was totally geek-tastic! Well worth the drive! We had lots of yummy, yummy food, including a great lunch at Jamie Oliver's Italian (we'd eaten there in London too, for a "work" dinner). Really really good food! We also checked out the local Crossfit box to get some shirts for our Crossfit friends. From there we headed back to London for our flight home. It really was a wonderful trip, and I can't wait to go back.

Since we got back it's been a whirlwind of family visits, Crossfit parties & get-togethers, BBQs with friends & just general living. Andrew's mum has been here for a visit for the past 2 weeks, she heads home tomorrow. One free weekend, then I'm off to the Ladies Fall Fit weekend, which I'm pretty nervous about. I'm not fit at home, let alone in the wilderness, camping & such. Plus the current forecast calls for buckets of rain that weekend. Figures, doesn't it?

Adoption-wise, there's been no news. The program continues to evolve, which will impact us, of course, but we're not sure in what ways. It's still open, though, so there's that. Still we wait, 5 years & 4 months since we started the process. Not sure how much waiting I have left in me. We met with the agency director in July, which was a good meeting, and very informative, program-wise. He couldn't say how long we would be waiting, though, which didn't surprise us. So we continue to wait.

Well, I think you're caught up now. I can't promise that I'll write more often, but I'll try. Maybe my next post will be a really, really good one?

4 is the loneliest number....

I'll start off with a hearty HELLO! to everyone (all 2 of you) that missed my blog. Sure, I'm posting today, but I can't promise that I'll keep posting regularly so I hope you "enjoy" this post. It's likely to be kinda sour, though, so have some sugar, or syrup, or a soft drink or something beforehand.

So, here we are. We've been waiting 4 years (officially) for a referral, and no end in sight to the wait. I will admit, I am more bummed out about this adoption at the moment than I have been at any point in the past 4 years, including the bankuptcy. I don't know if it's been the upcoming 4 year "anniversary" looming ahead (& now behind) that's been bothering me, or the fact that I've been married 18 years & am still not a mom, but it's been weighing heavily on me. We recently had a baby shower at work for 2 girls who are due within a month of each other. The shower itself was okay, but going into a kids store to buy gifts for the babies was almost overwhelming. I had to hide myself in the baby girl section to get ahold of myself, because God forbid you show emotion in public. I'm sure the kind sales-ladies would have understood, but still.... That's never happened to me in the last 4 years, I've always believed, in the back of my mind, that I'd be a mom, but now, I just don't know. Andrew is still optimistic, he still believes, and he tries to cheer me up, but nothing seems to work. I emailed the agency a couple of weeks ago, to see if they could give me a grain of hope, something that I could hold on to, knowing that they likely couldn't tell me anything. I mean, we changed our gender request to include boy or girl, so I had hoped that would have increased our chances (which it has, don't get me wrong). The answer I got from the agency, while cautiously optimistic, didn't improve my mood at all. Basically, their response was "we cannot guarantee when a referral may occur, but according to the statistics we sent out in the last update, we believe you are in very good standing to receive a referral by the end of this year". Apparently we are number 6 on their "amalgamated list", which doesn't really tell me anything. I asked them if that meant we were #6 on the list of people waiting for a boy or girl up to 18 months at placement, or if were #6 overall on the list of families (approx 60) still waiting. I never got an answer. What does that mean? We were #4 or 5 on a list of families waiting for a girl up to 18 months at placement, have we put ourselves further down the list by changing our request? I just don't know what to think. I had a dream the other night that we had a baby (it was unsure if we had adopted or had been able to have one the old-fashioned way). When I woke up, I thought, "that was cruel & unfair". A year ago I would have thought, "it's a sign!!!". Guess that's a pretty good example of my state of mind. I just can't get my hopes up anymore. I'm so tired of putting my life on hold for something that might happen.

In other news, the kitchen improvements continue. Since early December we have replaced our bottom of the line dishwasher with a shiny stainless steel dishwasher, and have done the same with our fridge. This new fridge is much bigger than the old one, which is SO NICE, and has the freezer on the bottom (fancy, I know). One weird thing about it, though, is that the front of the fridge is not magnetic (which I would think that stainless steel would be). Sure, it looks great with no magnets on it, but now where am I going to put my collection of magnets? Right now they are on the dishwasher, but I don't like that as a long-term solution. Just this past weekend we finally replaced the light fixture in the kitchen (which was a bare bulb after someone - Andrew - broke the glass globe that covered the bulb). The new fixture is brushed nickel & is super-pretty, and was chosen & installed yesterday by Andrew. Go Handy Andy!

Well, that about brings you up to date. Perhaps I'll be back soon, when I'm in a better frame of mind. Until then, don't worry about me, I'm getting by.

Sigh.....

Three years & seven months waiting for our referral. There isn't much else to say. We're updating our homestudy/paperwork to open up our request to boy or girl, but my heart just isn't in the whole paperchase this time. Now that the Hawaii trip-of-a-lifetime has come & gone, I feel like there is little to look forward to. I guess I'm just bummed - gotta fix that somehow, but I'll be buggered if I know how.

Yes, I guess it's been a while....

Hello, my faithful readers (though, by now, perhaps I have lost my audience)! It has been ever so long since I graced my blog with my presence. Not much has been happening, really, just life in general, but I'll try to catch you up as best I can.

May
May is my birthday month, and we celebrated with another trip to Buffalo, this time with my parents. A very good time was had by all, and much shopping was done. Turns out Walmart is a great place to get a deal on protein powder & Gatorade pre- & post- workout drinks (even though I think the post-workout drink tastes like lemon/lime & barnyard, Andrew seems to like it - but I think he will pretty much eat anything). We spent half a day in East Aurora again, and had a FABULOUS lunch at a place called Tantalus. I had a to-die-for stuffed burger (with no bun, as is my custom). It was stuffed with sundried tomatoes, feta & black olives, and the beef was just so beefy-tasting. It was the best burger I've had so far this year. I'm itching to go back & have another one! We celebrated my Dad's birthday at the end of the month (we got him a luxury car test drive, which he & Andrew will partake in in August. Dad's driving a Ferrari & Andrew's driving a Lamborghini - sweet!!!).

June
June is bit of a blur (being so long ago & all). We spent a weekend in Prescott again, stopping for cheese curds at Maple Dale on the way there & the way back. Sooooo many curds. I think I'm curd-ed out for a while (but the roasted garlic curds are sooooo good). During that trip we had a lovely day in Westport, where much shopping (window & actual) was done. My work team also moved from the factory location to the airport location, so my commute was cut in half, which is awesome! Being near the airport, we see lots of planes (arriving & departing), though some sitings are pretty scarily close! Part of my route home includes Airport Rd, and the runway where several planes land runs perpendicular to Airport Rd (and starts at Airport Rd). Wow, are those planes LOW when they land! It seems like they're going to land on your car sometimes. Scary, but exhilarating!

July
July's been pretty quiet so far.

Adoption
No news here, unless you consider our needing to update some of our paperwork (AGAIN) news. We've been advised that it can wait until the whole dossier needs updating at the end of the year, unless we get a referral between now & then. That doesn't look likely, as paperwork requirements in Ethiopia have changed yet again, which has slowed referrals down. It has speeded up processing post-court date, though, so that is a very good thing for those who have referrals. We continue to wait & hope. We are considering opening up our request to a boy (which Andrew was always in favour of, but I resisted because I really wanted a girl). Now that we've met our friends' little guy, home since November of last year, I am no longer resistant to the idea of having a little boy!

Crossfit
Yep, I'm still doing Crossfit, usually about twice a week. It's still challenging, which I think it will be for quite some time, but I'm enjoying it, and I really enjoy the supportive, family atmosphere at the gym. Lots of people have told me that they are seeing results on me, which is nice. My core is definitely tighter, and I am definitely getting stronger. I can deadlift 105 lbs, power clean & push press 65 lbs & back squat 45 lbs. I'm getting there. I enjoy going with Andrew, though we don't really work out together, because he's at a different level, fitness-wise, than me. I'm wishing I'd started in the winter, though, cuz this hot weather is killing me when I work out. I must lose about a pound every workout, just from sweat. Good times! And sometimes, it's just too hot to work out (like when it's over 32). There's no A/C in the gym, just ceiling fans & roller doors. It's brutal sometimes.

Well, I think you're all caught up now. I'll try to start posting more often, especially in the lead up to HAWAII CRUISE 2012!!!

Aloha & mahalo....

That's right, everybody! I'm going to Hawaii! Well, not until September, but still, I'm going! With all the adoption expenses still to come, I'm definitely panicking a little about the expense involved in a Hawaii trip, but I think it's just the right thing to take my mind off the ever-increasing wait for a referral. This whole Hawaiian odyssey started almost 5 years ago, with a notice from my best friend (who happens to live in Australia) to start saving my pennies, because we were all going to go to Hawaii to celebrate her (well, our) 40th birthday! We're flying into Honolulu and then boarding a ship 2 days later to cruise around the Hawaiian Islands. Lots of her friends & family are coming along, and Andrew & I, and it'll be the first time in 4 years that I've seen any of them, and the very first time I'll be meeting her son (born 2 years ago in May)! I booked the cruise & paid our deposit last July, and I booked our flights (& bought comprehensive travel insurance that yes, does contain an adoption clause for cancellations) a couple of days ago. So now, instead of obsessing about a referral, I'm checking travel sites every day or so to check if the pre-cruise hotel pricing has dropped at all! Andrew & I haven't travelled anywhere "significant" (cross border shopping doesn't count) for over 2 years, so we are really, really, really looking forward to this. Putting your life on hold for an adoption, for what "might happen", is rough. It's time we did something fun! Only 174 more sleeps to go!

Yeah! What she said.....

I read a post today on another blogger's blog that really spoke to me. Like Andrew & I, this blogger & her family are adopting from Africa, though through a different country. Her blog is called The Thompson Treehouse (http://www.thompsontreehouse.blogspot.com), I encourage you to follow her story! The post I am referring to is called "Waiting to Exhale", posted on 3.13.12. If you want a little insight into what it's like to be waiting & waiting & waiting to adopt, this is the post to read.

Don't ask

I heard it said that if you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question. Wise words.

Since Andrew went to visit the agency last year, he’s got a pretty good relationship with them, and as such, can get better answers from them than I seem to be able to. Since we just passed our 3 year anniversary, I asked him to email them to see if we’ve made any forward progress in our referral wait in the last 5 months. The short answer is no. The long answer is NOOOOOOOOOOO. Actually, the long answer is, there are 3 families ahead of us on the list asking for a girl in the same age range, which was the answer we were given last October, and there are no new girl referrals for our age range in the near future. We have not moved forward on the list at all. While I am not surprised, it still feels like a kick in the stomach. I was so hopeful that we’d made at least a little progress, that we would have our referral sooner rather than later. Things could change, they said they have seen an increase in referrals, which is good. Any forward momentum is good, I guess.

Many things in adoption are a leap of faith, like buying a crib, painting the nursery, etc. We’ve done that, so far, but I just can’t bring myself to open up the crib & actually set it up. I don’t think I’ll be able to do that until we actually get a referral. So far, my wish of getting my referral before my 40th birthday is not looking good. I’ve got less than 2 months to go before I reach that milestone, I guess I’m hoping for a miracle.

A Boo-Hoo Haiku for You, or 3 years waiting

3 very long years
My heart is numb, anxious, sad
Where is my wee girl?

In honour of the auspicious (?) occasion of our 3 year anniversary of waiting to be matched with our girl, I thought I’d dazzle you all with some poetry. Yes, it’s a haiku, but I have to admit that I’ve been out of school so long that I had to look up the haiku structure online. I guess my brain jettisoned that information long ago to make room for the scads & scads & scads of useless trivia that currently resides in my brain. For example, did you know that the gestation period for a Norway rat (the most common rat in the US) is 3 weeks? I knew that. Why? Who knows.

So yes, it’s been 3 years since our dossier was officially logged into Ethiopia. I never imagined that we’d still be waiting for a match, but if this process has taught me anything, it’s that you can never take anything for granted. That’s true of life in general – things will never happen on your timetable, they will happen when they happen, and not a second before. This wait has brought me many “gifts” – new friends (that is something I will be eternally grateful for), happiness (when our file was approved by the provincial ministry, for example), anger (at various points of the process, which I’ve documented here), anxiety (the suspense of waiting for our match is KILLING me), perspective. Andrew & I marked the occasion by going to the VW dealership (I hit a pothole HARD last week, so we had them check out why there is now a vibration when you’re travelling slowly – turns out the rim is slightly bent on the inside), then to a super-cool health/organic food store (that was mostly for Andrew), then to a nice, leisurely lunch at Milestones. After that I invested in some badly needed workout gear, since I plan to join Crossfit later this month (if I’m going to be a mom, I’d better raise my fitness level above it’s current level of “extreme sloth”). Adoption-wise, referrals haven’t exactly been coming in thick & fast, but the Ethiopian program does seem to move more steadily & “quickly” than many other programs, at least at the moment. At this point, it’s just a matter of being patient & waiting your turn. Easier said than done when your 40th birthday is looming large on the horizon.

34 months? Really?

Yes, it's true! As of today, we have been waiting 34 months for our referral. Who knew, in March of 2009, that we would still be waiting to be matched with our girl. I certainly didn't think so, even during the dark days of the bankruptcy. I'm sure that, karmically, cosmically, there's a reason for all this, but it escapes me. Here's hoping that, one day, hopefully soon, we'll be matched, and none of this waiting & hoping & agonizing will fade away into nothingness. Until then, we wait.....

HELLO 2012! 2011, you can go now...

Happy new year, faithful readers! May the new year bring you happiness, health, peace, and all that good stuff. 2011 was not the greatest year, so I'm hoping 2012 is our year. I'm not getting my hopes up too high, though! As much as I try to be an optimist, I am really a pessimist at heart. This year, though, I'm going to do my best to only put good vibes out into the universe, so the same will come back to me. I hope you'll be seeing more positive posts from me, especially positive adoptions posts. This year is our year (pretty please)!

My mom's surgery went well - they removed 2/3 of her thyroid. We'll find out this week, hopefully Tuesday or Wednesday, whether or not it was cancer. I suspect we're going to get good news in that regard.

Bring on the good stuff, 2012!

Merry Christmas everyone

That's right - Merry Christmas to all 3 people that read my blog! I was hoping for a Christmas referral miracle this year, but it just wasn't in the cards. That's okay, it gives 2012 a chance to blow 2011 out of the water! Here are some things I want for 2012:

For my family to be healthy (especially my mom, who is having surgery on 12/29 to remove some (hopefully non-cancerous) lumps from her thyroid).

For continued happiness.

To know who my daughter is (finally).

For my kittehs to get along (finally).

I'm not asking for much, I don't think.

Merry Christmas to all, and a Happy, prosperous 2012!

Let it go, let it go, let it go.....

And by go, I mean "leave". This has been a very difficult Christmas season so far, one of the hardest that I can remember, and that includes the 8 Christmases I've spent apart from my family (thank God for my "adopted" Christmas family in Australia!). I am not in a Christmas mood at all this year, and I'm pretty sure it's all to do with the adoption (or the lack thereof). We were in the mall on Saturday, doing some shopping on behalf of my mom, and the store just happened to be right next to the "get your picture taken with Santa" area. It was all I could do to get past the little ones (dressed up to the nines) & their parents without bursting into tears, and then the store we went to was geared specifically to children, so that didn't help either. I don't remember feeling like this the last 2 Christmases just past. It's not that I'm jealous of everyone who has kids, it's just that I'm really, really bummed that we don't have one of our own yet. I don't feel like putting up any decorations, or any lights, or a tree, or anything like that. I am looking forward to exchanging gifts with my family, though - I think I've done a pretty good job this year with my purchases! It's just that, Christmas is for children, and it's a constant reminder that I don't have one.

This is hard.

Some days, the waiting is okay, it's just there in the background, like a ticking clock - you know it's there, but it doesn't really call attention to itself, it's just part of the background noise. And some days, like today, it's all you can hear. You try to shake it off, try to force it into the background, but it keeps popping up, like an annoying, yappy dog that WILL NOT LEAVE YOU ALONE. The waiting is weighing heavily on me today. I suppose it because our good friends have just arrive home from Ethiopia with their new son. They're in a new phase of adopting, the "no more waiting" phase, the "home" phase, where you get to know each other, get to bond & attach & become a family. We're still in the waiting, waiting, waiting phase, and I feel so alone. I know we're not, I know there are lots of other families with our agency that are still waiting, but that doesn't make it any easier. I don't "know" them, they aren't my good friends, they don't "get" me. Don't get me wrong, I am over-the-moon ecstatic for my friends, for the realization of their dream, but I'm so, so, so jealous. In 4 months we will have been waiting 3 years to be matched with our daughter. How long before that dream comes true? How long? A month, 2 months? 6 months? A year? Right now, it feels so far away.

It's been a long time...

since I posted anything of note. In fact, I had to look at my blog to see what the last significant posting was that I made. If that sentence wasn’t grammatically clunky, I don’t know what is. Anyhoo, on to the update.

OF ADOPTION SIGNIFICANCE: Going in chronological order: Andrew went to the agency on October 20 to drop off the updated paperwork we had gathered for our file (see: So Much Angry, So Little Time) & to “chat” to the file manager (not The Idiot) and to the managing director. The visit went well, really well, and it sounds like they are walking on eggshells around our file, which is what should have been happening all along (in a good way, I mean). They bent over backwards to help him, and even showed him where we are on the list (according to the director, we are 4th in line to receive a referral for a baby girl up to 18 months old at placement). They said they would be very surprised if we don’t have a referral in the next 6 months (so, by the end of April). That is great, wonderful news – I’m just having a really, really hard time believing this will actually happen. We’ve been waiting for so long (we started the paperwork 3.5 years ago, been officially waiting for a referral for over 2.5 years), and so much has happened (bankruptcy, Idiot paperwork bungle) that I am terrified of putting all my hope in this, and having my heart smashed into a million pieces. There have been a couple of referrals for infant girls recently, so that is helping me keep the faith.
October 21 – We are advised that The Idiot has decided to leave the agency, for personal reasons. Whether or not that was the only reason, who knows. All I know is – he messed up our file & did NOTHING to fix it. He waited until I went to someone else for help, & they discovered the problem. Apparently, he also bungled other families’ files, to varying degrees. Whatever the reason he left, I am glad he is gone. Yes, it puts more work on those employees still with the agency, but at least the work will be done correctly. Adoption is life-changing, and shouldn’t be taken lightly, or for granted, by any of the parties involved.
Right now – We’re still waiting on our stat dec paperwork, but we’re told that it should come in very soon (heh – we’ve heard that before!). We’ve paid the appropriate amount to the correct people, so everything is in order. And we can still get a referral, even if the stat dec isn’t quite ready yet. We’ve been working a bit more on the baby’s room – we moved the “spare room” dresser from the spare room into the nursery, and moved the tall dresser from the nursery to the spare room. The “spare room” dresser is much lower than the tall dresser, and we can use it as a change table with the addition of a foam changing pad, so that is space-saving! When we went to Buffalo 3 weeks ago we went to the Fisher Price World Headquarters in East Aurora as a side trip (nice little town – you should go!) and bought a high chair (the sort you put on a normal kitchen chair) and a diaper bag (a plain dark brown bag that Andrew will not be ashamed to carry). Slowly we are amassing all the ephemera a baby could ever need (well, except for the essentials – diapers, wipes, food, etc).
Also right now – Our friends are in Ethiopia RIGHT NOW picking up their son. I can’t believe he’ll be home for Christmas!

OF FAMILY SIGNIFICANCE: My brother is having colon resection surgery tomorrow, to remove part of his colon that has been damaged by his colitis & to fix some related damage. According to the doctor, once he has recovered he will be able to eat normally again, and will feel like he has never had colitis. That, my friends? Is music to my ears. He’s been suffering for the better part of a year with this beast called colitis & I will be SOOOO HAPPY to see him back to his old self. In related news, my niece continues to be TOO STINKIN’ CUTE, and even used the potty willingly for the first time the last time we were at her house (about 2 weeks ago)! Hooray for childhood milestones! She has a brand new cousin, too, born at the end of October. Lucky girl.

OF NO PARTICULAR SIGNIFICANCE: We’ve started our Christmas shopping and are about two-thirds finished. I’m very pleased with the choices we’ve made for our loved ones, though I really do need to get cracking on my brother’s stocking (we pick names out of a hat to see whose stocking we will fill that year – I got my brother). I have been hinting that I’d really, really like something from Tiffanys this year, before become a family of 3 & money is more tight. I’m not sure that Andrew is getting the hint, though. I learned some cool things while we were shopping in Buffalo earlier this month: Pandora charms are significantly cheaper in the States, it is possible to get a Coach bag for less than $120.00 (including taxes!), Black & Blue Steak & Seafood is a REALLY nice place to eat, and, if you’re going to a Sabres hockey game, there will always be a competitively priced parking lot much closer to the arena than the one you parked in. I learned that last one the hard way, but at least I got some exercise!

So, that’s where I’ve been. I’m looking forward to this upcoming holiday season, to seeing friends & family, to kicking back & enjoying good company, holiday movies (Elf 4EVA!) and tasty nibbles (I’ve got this jalapeno popper dip recipe I’m dying to try out). And who knows? Maybe Santa will leave something extra special (a referral!) under my tree…..

The latest Idiot news

We are long overdue for a general update from the agency (they are meant to be bi-weekly, but the last one we got was August 30). Today The Idiot sends out an "update", but instead of attaching the update to the email, he copied & pasted each & every one of the agency's client's email addresses in the body of the email. Seriously? There is now absolutely no doubt in my mind that I DO NOT WANT THIS GUY EVER TOUCHING MY FILE EVER EVER EVER AGAIN. That is all.

Still with the angry * UPDATED

It's kind of fitting that I've open & closed the month of September with an angry post regarding our file. To summarize, it's the same crap, different day. We are no closer to getting our stat dec that we were 30 days ago, and I can't express how much that sucks. Instead of re-hashing the whole thing, here's the email that I sent to the agency this morning. To give you a little background, I stopping dealing with The Idiot about a week ago, and the new guy I've been dealing with, Mr Nice, is very nice & has been helping tremendously. He's the reason we got the email from Helpful Lady, which will hopeful result in the debacle coming to an end. And yes, I copied the director of the agency. All names have been changed to protect the innocent, and The Idiot, and to protect myself from legal action.

"I am very upset at the handling of our file since it transitioned to your agency in April of this year. At that time our file was with the ministry in Ontario, waiting for approval. This approval came through on April 19, as communicated to me by The Idiot. This was the last informative email I received from The Idiot. I have been told numerous times by The Idiot that our file was complete, that nothing was outstanding, that there was nothing missing that would be delaying the statutory declaration. Apparently I have been lied to, and I do not appreciate it. Please see below for a summary of my correspondence with The Idiot (I can provide copies of these emails, if you wish). Before you read this, please note that our original stat dec with the original agency took 3 weeks to be issued.

April 19 – received email from The Idiot that ministry approval had been received.
May 4 – emailed The Idiot to enquire as to the status of our stat dec.
May 10 – received reply from The Idiot indicating that our file had been updated waiting for the stat dec.
May 24 – emailed The Idiot to ask about stat dec, was told that it had been issued & that MoT were awaiting its arrival from the Ethiopian embassy.
June 8 – emailed The Idiot to ask if stat dec had arrived from embassy, was told that our file was sent to be notarized & the stat dec was being processed. I asked why I had been told on May 24 that the stat dec had been issued.
June 14 – received email from The Idiot noting that our file was updated & was getting authenticated. There was no explanation of why I had been told that the stat dec had been issued when it hadn’t.
July 20 – emailed The Idiot to ask about status of stat dec.
July 21 – received reply from The Idiot that stat dec had gone to Ottawa, then to Ethiopian Embassy, that new agency was awaiting its return.
August 26 – emailed The Idiot to ask about stat dec. I asked why it was taking so long, and if there was anything missing from my file. I was told that all documents were in order.
August 31 - At this time, due to a post in an August update, I also asked if there was a fee involved with the stat dec. I was told that yes, there was. Please note that this is the first time I was notified of a fee for the stat dec.
September 1 – emailed The Idiot several times to find out the cost involved & whom to make out the cheque to. I was told by The Idiot that the fee was $131.00 & that the cheque was to be made out to the Ethiopian Embassy. I confirmed this with him several times, as I had heard that other families had been charged $282.50 & that their cheques had to be made out to the original agency. I was assured that the charge was $131.00. My husband sent out the cheque on September 3. At that time he requested a receipt from The Idiot, but we have never received this requested receipt. At this time I do not know if the cheque has been cashed.
September 19 – emailed The Idiot to enquire about status of stat dec.
September 20 – was advised by The Idiot that the stat dec had been issued, that he knew this because he had produced it himself. I asked The Idiot if our updated file was on its way back to Ethiopia now. I did not receive a reply.

This ends my correspondence with The Idiot on the status of our stat dec. I started dealing with Mr Nice after September 20, and I must say that he has been nothing but courteous & helpful. That brings us to today, and your email asking for notarized documents (which we are happy to provide, and would have been happy to do so 5 months ago, had we been asked to have them notarized). I will require confirmation from you (Helpful Lady) that the charge for the stat dec is $282.00, and not $131.00 as we were previously told. If the charge is indeed $282.00, I would ask you to return the cheque for $131.00 that we have already sent to your office, specifically The Idiot.

I would also ask that our file be handled my someone else than The Idiot, as I have found him to be very slow in responding to my emails, and when he does respond, he usually does not answer my questions. When he does answer my questions, I am given wrong information. This is not acceptable, as I am sure you will agree. I look forward to a better relationship with the (new) agency than I have experienced so far (please note that this statement does not include Mr Nice, I have no complaints about him!)."

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?!? Today's email was the breaking point, and it's a good thing that I get into work earlier than most of my colleagues, becuase I cried my eyes out this morning, mostly from sheer frustration. With every month that passes, I feel like I'm getting further & further away from being a mom. This sucks.

Update - I received an email from Nice Lady on Friday (after I left work, but whatever, at least she responded same day). I'd sent an email earlier in the day asking her to courier me the paperwork (that needed notarizing) at the agency's expense, because of the LONG delay in getting this issue identified & resolved. She has done so, so hopefully this will all be resolved by the end of the week, so the stat dec can be issued by the end of the month (preferably by the end of next week). My hubby is going to hand-deliver the paperwork to the agency on Thursday, hopefully, and I'm sending him with a list of hard-hitting questions. I had a dream last night that we got our referral, so apparently my subconscious still thinks this will all work out, but we were referred a boy instead of a girl, so even my subconscious thinks the agency isn't done screwing up!

It's a sad, sad situation

Since we started our adoption, lo these many (almost 4) years ago, we’ve been part of an online adoption group. This group has been invaluable during the process, and was especially beneficial in rallying the troops after the bankruptcy back in 2009. The women (and men, but it’s mostly) of the group have never been shy in sharing their ideas, their expertise, their opinions, their feelings, their questions, & their answers to your questions, and to me, it’s great to have a group of people that know what you’re going through. They’ve either been through it themselves & can offer knowledge & wisdom, or they are going through it with you & can offer commiserations on delays & other issues, or they are a bit behind you in the process & you’re offering them assistance on things you’ve already experienced. That’s just a lot of words to say that it’s a community of like-minded people, and that can be priceless, when you’re waiting & waiting & waiting for your referral (or your court date, or your visa). You may never meet these people in person, but you feel like you know them, via the interwebs.

We lost one of our group this week. A woman who had waited years (with her husband) to bring home their son, a wee boy who just turned 1 year old this past July. They’d only been home with their son for 4 months when she passed away, weeks after being diagnosed with brain cancer. That’s weeks, not months. This is such a tragedy. Not only has a husband lost his precious wife, someone with whom he’d been through so much, a little, little boy, who has already lost so much in his short life, has just lost his second mommy, someone who waited so long for him, someone who was going to love & nuture him for the rest of his life. I just can’t get this family out of my head. I didn’t know them personally, though I recognize the man from some of the bankruptcy meetings that we attended. Brain cancer has taken far too much from too many people this year, and it has to stop. I don’t know how, but it has to stop. Why does it always seem to take the young (or the relatively young), those who have so much live still left to do. Why does it seem to hide & grow in secret, masking it’s symptoms as things that could be “nothing”, until it’s “something” and it’s too late & it’s inoperable? It’s not right. It’s just not right. For all the money that’s spent on wars & government dithering (see the debt reduction debacle in the US lately), and consumerism (who needs multiple lavishly appointed houses & scores of automobiles, and helicopters & private jets & jewel-encrusted dog collars, etc) (not that I am exempt from consumerism – I have always liked to shop!), we could be pouring that money into cancer research, so families can stop having to say goodbye to their loved ones, can stop having to live through months of chemo & radiation & fatigue & financial issues. What’s it going to take for that to happen? Who do we have to lose for the line to be drawn in the sand – here, no further.

So much angry, so little time

So, it’s been over 4 months now since we received our approval to adopt (from the provincial ministry of child & youth services), and still, STILL we do not have our statutory declaration, which is needed to complete our file. Sure, they’ve told us that, should a referral come up for our family, that the lack of a stat dec will not affect our ability to accept the referral. It IS needed for court, though. Now, don’t get me wrong, we’re not anywhere close to a referral, let alone a court date, but even so, in this crazy, uncertain world of adoption, when you chase paperwork for weeks & sometimes months, any outstanding paperwork (especially something that is out of your control) will drive you crazy. Considering that our first stat dec took 3 weeks to be processed, I think I’ve been pretty patient in the wait for this second stat dec (for our updated file). I haven’t been emailing daily, or even weekly. I email once a month, on or near the date we got our approval (the 19th). And so far, for the past 3 months, the answer has remained the same. It’s with the embassy, and will be sent back to the agency when it’s completed. Every month, the same answer. Considering that, 2.5 years ago, it was possible to complete a stat dec & send it to the agency within 3 weeks, what in the hell is happening now? This isn’t just slow, it’s glacial. And now? Now they’re telling us we have to pay for this new stat dec! I am positive that, with Imagine, you only had to pay for a new stat dec when you were making changes over & above your standard “it’s been 2 years, you don’t have a kid yet, or even a referral, so it’s time to update your paperwork” update. Turns out, I was WRONG. We do have to pay. Again. Some more. When they were going to decide to tell us is anyone’s guess. This, on top of the upcoming Ethiopia program fundraiser that we really want to attend so we can meet the Ethiopian head of the Imagine Ethiopia program, which costs almost as much as the stat dec will cost. The proceeds will go to sustaining the Ethiopian program, but what? Do they think that families who are trying to adopt are made of money? Don’t get me wrong – I’m not angry at having to pay for the stat dec. What I’m angry about? That I had to ask them if we had to pay. At no point were we informed of this requirement. If you need me to pay money for something, don’t you think you should be letting me know that? I have asked the agency on several occasions if we were missing anything, and each time I was told no, everything is in order. I am so flippin’ frustrated & angry about all of this, you have no idea. We have done everything asked of us, and it seems like we’re just running in circles, chasing our tails, getting nowhere. And I cannot tell you how much that sucks. I’m at one of those points (again, some more) where I feel like this is never going to happen for us. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a childless couple, I just didn’t think it was in the cards for us. Time will tell, I guess.

And yeah, the Great Wisdon Teeth Extraction of 2011 went off without a hitch, just in case you wanted to know.

Extreme Home Makeover

Some of you may have noticed the renovations that have happened on the blog recently (okay, I made the changes about half an hour ago). Since we are not 100% decided on our daughter's name yet, I've made the decision to change the "official" title of the blog from The Wren Chronicles to The (Never-Ending) Adoption Chronicles. I suppose it also reflects my feeling that this adoption will never end, that it will never come to fruition. Yes folks, it's been ages since the last referral (at least, since the last referral that was posted on the Yahoo board), and as you know, that tends to get me down. According to one of the recent updates we received from the agency, they anticipate that referrals will resume in the fall, at a steady, if not accelerated, pace. I sure hope that's true. I also hope that we receive our stat dec soon, it's been almost 4 months now that we've been waiting. I suspect that, once we do receive our referral, the wait for court & visa will seem almost quick (though I've heard the reverse - that the wait for a court date & then the visa - is more difficult, because now you know who you're waiting for). So I guess we sit back & wait, some more. Andrew & I have found a name that we both like, I think (when I mentioned the name to him, he said, "that's really nice"), so here's hoping that the search for a name has ended. I won't tell you what it is, because it's possible we'll still change our minds, but I will say that it is African (but not Ethiopian, that I'm aware of).

Not long now to the Great Wisdom Teeth Removal of 2011 (it is taking place on Saturday, 8am). I am trying to keep it together & be positive, but I am freaking out a little, I won't lie. I think it's the anesthesia that's freaking me out more than anything. I will be fine, though. I'm sure I'll be fine. Send me good vibes, though, okay?

What's in a name?

It would seem that I am entering the “questioning what to name our daughter” period of the year. This seems to come around annually, so let’s hope that our girl is home by the time it comes around again, cuz this is driving me crazy.

Growing up I was sure that I would have a girl, and that I would name her Madeline, after my grandma (I was named after both of my grandmas). Having come up against infertility, that dream seemed to go out the window. That’s not to say that Madeline isn’t a beautiful name – it is, I still love it, but it doesn’t seems appropriate for a girl of African heritage. Then, much more recently, I decided that I loved the name Wren (hence the name of the blog), but for some reason, that name has fallen out of my favour recently. Good thing we didn’t tell everybody that was going to be our daughter’s name. Oh wait, we did. Sigh. Now I’m at a loss again. I don’t want her name to be too weird, or too common, and I want to use her Ethiopian name as her middle name. Depending on what her name is, we may even keep it as her first name. I am drawn to names that start with Z, for zome reason, but some of the ones I like are already “taken”, and I seem to be having a bit of time “selling” Andrew on the other ones I like. Some of the Z names you see on websites are just plain odd – Zephyr? Zeppelin? Seriously? Isn’t calling your daughter Zeppelin just setting her up for a lifetime of weight issues? Zoe, I like, and Zala. Now I just have to get Andrew to like one of those names too. Last time he vetoed one of the names I suggested, I asked him what were the names that he liked. He didn’t really have an answer. I want us to agree on this, and to pick a name that we both like, but it’s tough when one of you doesn’t seem to care too much about it.

Speaking of things Ethiopian, our close friends (through adoption) are in Ethiopia as we speak, getting ready for their court date tomorrow. I don’t know if they read this blog, but even if they don’t, I want to put this out into the universe. I hope they pass their court date first go, and that the MOWA letter is ready & waiting for them, so they don’t have to wait to be their little boy’s parents “officially”. I’ve been thinking about them all weekend. I also hope that their first meeting with their boy went well. I can’t wait to be in their shoes.

In other speaking-of-things-Ethiopian news, tomorrow also marks 29 months since our dossier first arrived in Ethiopia. I hope that there aren’t too many more months that pass before we know who our daughter is. In the most recent update, the review of orphanages throughout Ethiopia has resulted in some of them being closed. Apparently, this has resulted in an increase of children coming into the orphanages we work with. While it is not good that so many children need to be in orphanages, this might be bringing us closer to our daughter, and to me, that is a good thing. What is not such a good thing? The current state of our dossier, which is STILL not back in Ethiopia. Apparently, it’s still waiting on the statutory declaration (which, seriously?). It’s been over 3 months now that we’ve been waiting, and I’m hoping that’s because the embassy is busy doing other, more important things, and not because there’s something missing from our paperwork. I’ve been assured that there’s nothing missing, but seriously – it took 3 weeks to get the stat dec the first time around. Three weeks! According to the agency, we can still get a referral because our paperwork is up to date, but I would really love to get that updated stat dec in our file & get it back over to Ethiopia. Does it suck when things like this are out of our control? Yes, yes it does.

In baby’s room news, it’s painted, and we bought the crib this past weekend. Not the mattress, just the crib. About a year ago we bought a dresser from Ikea that was tall & white, because we thought it best fit the vision we had of the room at the time (and it was in our price range). We assembled it a couple of weeks ago, and found it no longer fits our vision of the room. We do have a dresser in the spare bedroom that Andrew has had for ages (at least 20 years) that does fit a lot better into the vision – it’s longer & shorter than the other dresser, and almost matches the bookcase that is already in the room. Best of all, we can use it as a change-table, if we add a baby changing cushiony thing (I can’t remember the actual name). I plan to change the drawer handles from the current plastic bar handle to possibly 2 glass-look knobs per drawer (you know what I’m talking about, they are old school), preferably in green, pink & purple, to match the colour scheme of the room. I will post pictures of the completed room, I promise. We have to wait another week to put the decal on the wall (above the “new” low dresser), then we’ll assemble the crib & we’ll be done. Kind of.

Well, that’s all from here. Until next time, I bid you adieu.