The Evening Commute - Stinky edition

So, yesterday was Monday. Just an ordinary Monday, with work and all. I shuffled off to my car at the usual time, 3.20pm, in the sweltering heat that has become the new norm here in Southern Ontario (seriously - it's going to be at least 30 degrees Celsius EVERY DAY THIS WEEK). The factory had the day off yesterday, so the usual mad panic to exit the parking lot at that time was non-existant, which was a nice change. It didn't take too long to get onto the highway, and there was the usual amount of traffic. I briefing considered taking the toll road home, but then I thought, just take the highway, you'll save some money. So I stayed on the highway, but I got into the Express lanes, because they are usually faster. Usually. Right around the airport the traffic started to really slow down, which isn't all that unusual. Then it came to a complete stop. One minute turned into 5 minutes, which turned into 10 minutes, which turned into me switching from the CD to the radio to find out exactly what was going on. Turns out there was a fatal accident involving 2 cars & a tractor trailer, and the westbound express lanes of the highway were completely closed. COMPLETELY CLOSED. This was my first highway closure, so I took my lead from the other motorists & turned off my car & opened all the windows. Right about that time I noticed that there was a truck ahead of me, the kind of truck that carries livestock. Stinky, stinky livestock. I wasn't game enough to get close enough to tell exactly what kind of livestock, but I can tell you that it reeked of animal waste. Just what you want to smell when you're stuck on the highway with all your windows open in 36 degree heat. Once in a while there would be a cross breeze that would spirit away the stench, but other than that it was a stink-fest. Turned out we were stopped for 1.5 hours, then it took another hour to get home from there once they started let us by on the shoulder. Normally that part of the trip would take 20 minutes or so, but we all had to gawk at the OTHER fatal accident on the eastbound side of the highway. Seriously. I was drenched in sweat by the time I got home a mere 3 hours after I set out (a trip that usually takes 45 minutes to an hour). And that, dear friends, is why you should always listen to the voice inside you that tells you to take the toll road.

1,051,200 minutes....

That’s how you measure 2 years. Two years since our world fell apart. Two years since the phone call I received from a fellow prospective adoptive parent, telling me that our agency had gone bankrupt, that the executive director had run off with our money. And it’s been almost 2 years since the families of Imagine Adoption banded together & started the hard work of resurrecting the agency, to bring the phoenix out of the ashes. A lot has happened in these last 2 years, mostly good. About a third of the families that signed back up with the agency back in October of 2009 now have their children home, in their arms, forever, or have been matched with the child that will someday be theirs (including our good friends). The Hayhows, who orchestrated this whole mess, have been charged with fraud & been ordered to appear before the court. Of course she’s hired a high-falutin’ lawyer (way to show that you still have some of our money, devil lady), but the evidence is pretty plain. She took our money, she spent it on herself & her house & her horse & fancy cars that were leased by the agency, and she deprived children, already affected by poverty & the loss of their family, of good, nutritious food. Shame on her. Shame, shame, shame. There is a special place in hell for those such as her.

On a personal level, we’ve started to believe that this will happen for us, that Wren (or whatever we decide to call her) will someday be in our arms, and have started preparing a nest for our little bird. We painted her room last week, a soft green called Spirit Whisper. We assembled her chest of drawers & started loading it with all of the clothes we have for her. All of her teddy bears & her special doll from Uncle Billy & Auntie Jenn are sitting on the bookcase waiting for someone to love them. And soon, her crib will also be waiting for her. Still to be decided – where to put the wall decal we bought for the nursery (it’s in one of my previous posts, it’s a bird-cage with lots of birds flying free out of the cage, I’m too lazy to find the previous post & wouldn’t know how to link it if I did) – on the wall with the dresser or over the crib. Decisions, decisions. And we need to get curtains too. There are already blinds but they don’t block out enough light. And, most importantly, we need to decide on a name. I’m starting to waver on Wren as a first name, maybe it’s too weird & unusual. I’m considering Lily Wren, or Madeline Wren, but the final decision will be made when we know what her Ethiopian name is.

And thanks to Rent for the idea for a fancy name for this post.

Prognosis – Not Good

I’d like to put out an appeal here for some prayers for Andrew’s good friend Georgia. She’s nearing the end of her fight with cancer. I’m praying that the end will be swift & painless, and for peace for her family & friends. I had so hoped that she would be here when we brought Wren home, and that she would school me in the ways of braiding & general hair care, but unfortunately, her illness isn’t going to allow that to happen. Georgia, we’re really going to miss you & your laughter & your funky dancing & your love for Keanu Reeves. Be at peace, my friend.

Edited to add: Georgia passed away last night (6/28). There's a Georgia-shaped hole in the world, and it sucks. A lot.

Adoption Outlook – Promising

While our referral is still likely to be several months away, there has been movement with referrals (a total of 12 referrals from the beginning of May until today, 4 of those in the last week alone), so the end no longer seems to be quite so far away. There are still approximately 20 families ahead of us with a similar request (that we know about), and about 50 families ahead of us in total. It’s easy to be hopeful right now, when there are referrals, and court dates & visas coming left, right & centre. It’s the rough points, as evidenced by previous posts, that are so hard to handle. It would be so wonderful, so miraculous if I could see my daughter’s face, to know her name, before I turn the big 4-0. I’ve got about 9 months before that happens, so bring it on!

Good times, great taste, less filling

Okay, maybe not less filling. I mean, who am I kidding? This is me we’re talking about. Since the previous bummer of a post, we’ve taken some time to relax & be around friends & family, and I believe it’s done us a world of good. Earlier in the month we spent a Saturday working/playing in a golf tournament. It’s for a charity set up in the name of a friend of my family who was killed in a workplace accident 15 years ago. The funds raised go toward helping handicapped children participate in sports. There’s always fun to be had, seeing everyone again year after year, helping out signing the golfers in & taking the money for the silent auction items people have won, not to mention having a mostly relaxing day looking out over a peaceful golf course out in the countryside. And one of the golfers/contributors, who happens to work at Breyers, always donates a freezer full of ice cream cones, bars & sandwiches, so that doesn’t suck. Heh.

Last weekend we spent the weekend (and part of Monday) visiting my dad’s side of the family in eastern Ontario. It’s always good to see them & reminisce about the good times, and to visit old haunts. We had dinner at my aunt’s (new) house both nights we were there, with most of my dad’s siblings in attendance. The older I get, the more I appreciate my family (and my extended family), it’s great to be able to spend time with them, and it’s really nice to see my dad completely relaxed & at home (he’s pretty tightly wound most of the time). The place that we stay when we go to visit is situated right on the banks of the St Lawrence River, so the view is always amazing. There are gardens & riverside boardwalks everywhere, and the staff now recognize us when we check in (they should – we’ve been staying there once a year for the last 6 or 7 years!). This year we managed to spot a mink fishing for, well, fish. On the way there, Andrew & I always stop at a cheese factory (cheeserie?) just outside of Belleville that makes the best roasted garlic flavoured cheese curds. Like the title says, good times, great taste.

We’re taking some time off after the Canada Day holiday, and we’ll be spending some of it in Niagara Falls (Ontario & NY), so we’re looking forward to that too. Brazilian BBQ, buffalo wings & cross-border shopping are all on the menu (woohoo!). I’d also like to check out the Cheesecake Factory, but we’ll see how that goes. Another item on the agenda is clearing out & painting the baby’s room.

I’ve just thought of something that qualifies as less filling. We completed our veggie garden about 3 weeks ago, adding butternut squash, tomatillos, cilantro & more pak choy to the veggies we’d already planted (spinach, pak choy, purple peppers, eggplant, mint, & red onions, tomatoes & cucumbers). Apparently Basil the garden mouse saw this as a challenge. A mere 3 days after the planting was complete he decimated the tender new pak choy, and the spinach. Sigh, I give up.

Finally, Willow would like to know where her beer is at, yo.

:(

I'll preface this by saying that I know it's a bummer of a post, but it's my blog & I'll post what I want to! So there.

The adoption has been on my mind a lot lately, ever since our friends received their referral (on my birthday no less – how cool is that!). There were 3 referrals (that we know of) earlier this month, and nothing (again – that we know of) since then. We’re halfway down the list now, and every referral gets us closer to our girl, but I can’t help feeling really bummed out about the lack of progress. This past weekend, someone close to me mentioned that they thought that couples without children should receive priority for referrals. Wow – that really spoke to me, and I can’t deny that it’s something I’ve thought about a lot. On one hand, I totally understand the current policy, which is essentially first come, first served (or, the family who has the oldest DTE – dossier to Ethiopia date- who is the best match for the child gets the referral). It’s the fairest, least objectionable method. But on the other hand, as a person (and part of a couple) hurtling toward the age of 40, I can’t deny that I cry a little every time someone who already has kids (bio or adopted) gets a referral, or passes court, or travels to pick up their child. Or rants on the adoptive families message board about how everything is so slow & where are the referrals so “she” can get her referral, when “she” already has 2 kids. “She” already knows the joy of children in her life, why can’t those of us who don’t have kids experience the joys of parenthood before those who already have kids add to their family? I fully acknowledge that this is a petty way to think & feel, that these families have been playing the waiting game longer than we have, and are every bit as deserving of a referral as those of us with no children. But I can’t deny that it’s the way I feel, sometimes. And I can’t deny that the fact that the list has at least 50 other families ahead of us waiting on a similar child placement stretches before me like a road that seems to be never-ending. And on that road you’ll sometimes see a mirage, something that makes you think, wow, we’re getting so close to our dream, so close to the end of the road. And then there’s another turn, another detour, another 100 kms to go. And you think, “I’m never going to get there”. And then traffic starts to move again & you think, “hey, we’re almost there” but no, there’s more delays. You lose sight of the destination. You lose hope. And everywhere are reminders of what it’s like when you get there. Big pregnant bellies, tiny babies snuggled in their mother’s arms, baby showers for pregnant co-workers. And still, your arms are empty. And you’re afraid to hope, afraid to start making a place in your home for a child that may never arrive.

And then you realize – CRAP! I forgot to ask my sister-in-law what she wants for her fast-approaching birthday. And – oh man – where are we going to get the money to allow us to take the “40th birthday Hawaii cruise extravaganza!” that will make it possible to see your best friend again, who you haven’t seen in over 3 years, who has a child now that you’ve never met. Where’s Oprah when you need her? And you’re loving your new vacuum, which is Dyson-esque at a much more affordable price, and cleans the floors so well that the colour of the carpet changes back to its “factory setting” (if you will). Darn cats & their shedding…. And you’re looking forward to going out to dinner on Wednesday, because it means you’ll be seeing your friends for the first time since their referral, and you can’t wait to see if they look different, or act different or something, because that’s a major life experience, and it has to change you somehow.

And you think, “you know what? My life’s not that bad, but it’d be so much better if I were a parent”.

You take the good, you take the bad,

You take ‘em both & there you have the facts of life, the facts of life….. You’re welcome for the ear-worm, I aim to please. So, how have you all been? I’ve been well, thanks for asking. One of the days last week was my birthday, and that’s always fun. Andrew had a out-patient procedure the same day (he had a skin cancer removed from his scalp), so we took the rest of the day off & had a pretty damn good day – lunch at Canyon Creek (which has now surpassed the Keg as my fave steak restaurant) and shopping at Square One was the order of the day. I also received a beautiful lap quilt from my mom a couple of weeks before hand, and a Pandora bracelet from Andrew on the day. I’ve been eye-ing those bracelets for quite a few years now, so it’s nice to finally be able to wear one! Those who know me know of my love for all things sparkly, especially jewelry. It’s always been my “thing”, even when I was a little kid. I think I take after my dad’s mom, who I am named after.

In other good news, our good “adoption friends” that live in our town received their referral at the end of last week, just in time for Mothers Day! They received a referral for a 2.5 year old boy. While we are insanely jealous, we are also over-the-moon happy for them – they’ve been playing the adoption waiting game about 6 months longer than we have. They were open to a child of either sex, up to 36 months old, I believe, whereas we are waiting for a girl, up to 18 months old, so we’ll still be waiting for a while. Not too long, I hope. According to my calculations, we’re about halfway down the list now from our original number of 111. It’s taken us about 1.5 years to come this far down the list, hopefully it doesn’t take us that much longer to get our referral. With all the changes that happen in international adoption, though, you just never know. Anyway, it’s going to be interesting to “know” someone going through the process ahead of us – court date, waiting for visa, picking up the child – it will be invaluable to have a inside perspective on what will happen to us down the road. According to the agency, our file is now waiting for the statutory declaration. Once that is complete, it will go to Ethiopia, and we will once again be “officially” waiting for a referral.

Since the weather has taken a turn for the better I’ve been pottering around the garden a bit more. I’ve been wanting to clean out the dead leaves & such from last year, and finally got a chance to do that yesterday. I also pulled a fair few dandelions – stupid weeds. Our daffodils are blooming, and our tulips look poised to do the same in the next couple of days. One of the tulips is especially special to me – the year before my grandpa passed away (this is my dad’s dad) he gave me some lamium (a ground cover plant) from his garden. Unbeknownst to any of us, in the bunch of lamium he gave me was 1 tulip bulb. The first year, just the leaves came up, which was a surprise in itself. The next year, though, the tulip bloomed. It’s a red tulip, with yellow around the edge of each petal. The petals are pointed, too, as opposed to rounded like a “normal” tulip. I haven’t figured out what kind of tulip it is yet, but it’s the only red tulip in a sea of pink & purple tulips, so it’s pretty unique. After I cleaned out the garden of a winters worth of detritus, I planted some annuals that I picked up at my favourite nursery – some celosias & snapdragons. It already looks a million times better than it did just a day ago. Now we have to get going on the veggie garden but that can wait a few weeks. We did plant some spearmint yesterday, though – mojitos here we come.

Well, that’s all I have to say for today. I’m a bit down & a bit tired & a lot ready for a vacation. Speaking of vacation, we’ve been invited to a wedding in Jamaica next January, but then we’re meant to be going on a cruise in Hawaii next fall (but I’m not even sure if that’s still happening – Vicki?). What to do? We don’t have enough money for both. Who knows – if we get our referral early next year, we may not have money for either. I just know I need to get away, and recharge my batteries.

Well, that's enough random for today.