Don't ask

I heard it said that if you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question. Wise words.

Since Andrew went to visit the agency last year, he’s got a pretty good relationship with them, and as such, can get better answers from them than I seem to be able to. Since we just passed our 3 year anniversary, I asked him to email them to see if we’ve made any forward progress in our referral wait in the last 5 months. The short answer is no. The long answer is NOOOOOOOOOOO. Actually, the long answer is, there are 3 families ahead of us on the list asking for a girl in the same age range, which was the answer we were given last October, and there are no new girl referrals for our age range in the near future. We have not moved forward on the list at all. While I am not surprised, it still feels like a kick in the stomach. I was so hopeful that we’d made at least a little progress, that we would have our referral sooner rather than later. Things could change, they said they have seen an increase in referrals, which is good. Any forward momentum is good, I guess.

Many things in adoption are a leap of faith, like buying a crib, painting the nursery, etc. We’ve done that, so far, but I just can’t bring myself to open up the crib & actually set it up. I don’t think I’ll be able to do that until we actually get a referral. So far, my wish of getting my referral before my 40th birthday is not looking good. I’ve got less than 2 months to go before I reach that milestone, I guess I’m hoping for a miracle.

A Boo-Hoo Haiku for You, or 3 years waiting

3 very long years
My heart is numb, anxious, sad
Where is my wee girl?

In honour of the auspicious (?) occasion of our 3 year anniversary of waiting to be matched with our girl, I thought I’d dazzle you all with some poetry. Yes, it’s a haiku, but I have to admit that I’ve been out of school so long that I had to look up the haiku structure online. I guess my brain jettisoned that information long ago to make room for the scads & scads & scads of useless trivia that currently resides in my brain. For example, did you know that the gestation period for a Norway rat (the most common rat in the US) is 3 weeks? I knew that. Why? Who knows.

So yes, it’s been 3 years since our dossier was officially logged into Ethiopia. I never imagined that we’d still be waiting for a match, but if this process has taught me anything, it’s that you can never take anything for granted. That’s true of life in general – things will never happen on your timetable, they will happen when they happen, and not a second before. This wait has brought me many “gifts” – new friends (that is something I will be eternally grateful for), happiness (when our file was approved by the provincial ministry, for example), anger (at various points of the process, which I’ve documented here), anxiety (the suspense of waiting for our match is KILLING me), perspective. Andrew & I marked the occasion by going to the VW dealership (I hit a pothole HARD last week, so we had them check out why there is now a vibration when you’re travelling slowly – turns out the rim is slightly bent on the inside), then to a super-cool health/organic food store (that was mostly for Andrew), then to a nice, leisurely lunch at Milestones. After that I invested in some badly needed workout gear, since I plan to join Crossfit later this month (if I’m going to be a mom, I’d better raise my fitness level above it’s current level of “extreme sloth”). Adoption-wise, referrals haven’t exactly been coming in thick & fast, but the Ethiopian program does seem to move more steadily & “quickly” than many other programs, at least at the moment. At this point, it’s just a matter of being patient & waiting your turn. Easier said than done when your 40th birthday is looming large on the horizon.

Daydream Believer, or the end of an era

I just saw on the news that Davy Jones just passed away from a heart attack, aged 66. Part of my childhood just died too. Even though it was cancelled the year before I was born, the Monkees was my FAVOURITE TV show growing up, and Davy was my favourite Monkee. Many a day was spent daydreaming about marrying my true love (Davy, of course) and our life together. Whatever I was doing in the afternoon, as soon as it came time for the Monkees to come on the TV, I dropped everything & ran to the family room. Nevermind that it was usually a re-run, it was required viewing. Come to think of it, it was my first memorable comedy experience. It'll be days before I will get the theme song out of my head. Rest in peace, Davy, I will miss you.

I'm going to eat you little fishy....

I suspect only those Red Dwarf fans amongst you will get the reference in the title of this post. It's a lie, I guess, as I don't ear fishies at all - I do not like the seafood. As I like to say, I am doing my part to save the world's oceans.
Anyhoo, to the real (and real stupid) reason for the post - am I the only person who feeds the fishies every time I'm on my blog? Or do some of you lovely people feed them too? I don't want to over-feed them, you see, otherwise they'll get all fat & I'll be cleaning their tank every other day.
Yes, it's been a frustrating, crazy-making kind of week. I am glad it is almost the weekend....

P.S. - For those of you who ARE fans of Red Dwarf, did you know that the original cast are all back in the studio as we speak, recording the tenth season? Woohoo!

34 months? Really?

Yes, it's true! As of today, we have been waiting 34 months for our referral. Who knew, in March of 2009, that we would still be waiting to be matched with our girl. I certainly didn't think so, even during the dark days of the bankruptcy. I'm sure that, karmically, cosmically, there's a reason for all this, but it escapes me. Here's hoping that, one day, hopefully soon, we'll be matched, and none of this waiting & hoping & agonizing will fade away into nothingness. Until then, we wait.....

HELLO 2012! 2011, you can go now...

Happy new year, faithful readers! May the new year bring you happiness, health, peace, and all that good stuff. 2011 was not the greatest year, so I'm hoping 2012 is our year. I'm not getting my hopes up too high, though! As much as I try to be an optimist, I am really a pessimist at heart. This year, though, I'm going to do my best to only put good vibes out into the universe, so the same will come back to me. I hope you'll be seeing more positive posts from me, especially positive adoptions posts. This year is our year (pretty please)!

My mom's surgery went well - they removed 2/3 of her thyroid. We'll find out this week, hopefully Tuesday or Wednesday, whether or not it was cancer. I suspect we're going to get good news in that regard.

Bring on the good stuff, 2012!

Merry Christmas everyone

That's right - Merry Christmas to all 3 people that read my blog! I was hoping for a Christmas referral miracle this year, but it just wasn't in the cards. That's okay, it gives 2012 a chance to blow 2011 out of the water! Here are some things I want for 2012:

For my family to be healthy (especially my mom, who is having surgery on 12/29 to remove some (hopefully non-cancerous) lumps from her thyroid).

For continued happiness.

To know who my daughter is (finally).

For my kittehs to get along (finally).

I'm not asking for much, I don't think.

Merry Christmas to all, and a Happy, prosperous 2012!