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Thursday, March 15, 2012

Aloha & mahalo....

That's right, everybody! I'm going to Hawaii! Well, not until September, but still, I'm going! With all the adoption expenses still to come, I'm definitely panicking a little about the expense involved in a Hawaii trip, but I think it's just the right thing to take my mind off the ever-increasing wait for a referral. This whole Hawaiian odyssey started almost 5 years ago, with a notice from my best friend (who happens to live in Australia) to start saving my pennies, because we were all going to go to Hawaii to celebrate her (well, our) 40th birthday! We're flying into Honolulu and then boarding a ship 2 days later to cruise around the Hawaiian Islands. Lots of her friends & family are coming along, and Andrew & I, and it'll be the first time in 4 years that I've seen any of them, and the very first time I'll be meeting her son (born 2 years ago in May)! I booked the cruise & paid our deposit last July, and I booked our flights (& bought comprehensive travel insurance that yes, does contain an adoption clause for cancellations) a couple of days ago. So now, instead of obsessing about a referral, I'm checking travel sites every day or so to check if the pre-cruise hotel pricing has dropped at all! Andrew & I haven't travelled anywhere "significant" (cross border shopping doesn't count) for over 2 years, so we are really, really, really looking forward to this. Putting your life on hold for an adoption, for what "might happen", is rough. It's time we did something fun! Only 174 more sleeps to go!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Yeah! What she said.....

I read a post today on another blogger's blog that really spoke to me. Like Andrew & I, this blogger & her family are adopting from Africa, though through a different country. Her blog is called The Thompson Treehouse (, I encourage you to follow her story! The post I am referring to is called "Waiting to Exhale", posted on 3.13.12. If you want a little insight into what it's like to be waiting & waiting & waiting to adopt, this is the post to read.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Don't ask

I heard it said that if you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question. Wise words.

Since Andrew went to visit the agency last year, he’s got a pretty good relationship with them, and as such, can get better answers from them than I seem to be able to. Since we just passed our 3 year anniversary, I asked him to email them to see if we’ve made any forward progress in our referral wait in the last 5 months. The short answer is no. The long answer is NOOOOOOOOOOO. Actually, the long answer is, there are 3 families ahead of us on the list asking for a girl in the same age range, which was the answer we were given last October, and there are no new girl referrals for our age range in the near future. We have not moved forward on the list at all. While I am not surprised, it still feels like a kick in the stomach. I was so hopeful that we’d made at least a little progress, that we would have our referral sooner rather than later. Things could change, they said they have seen an increase in referrals, which is good. Any forward momentum is good, I guess.

Many things in adoption are a leap of faith, like buying a crib, painting the nursery, etc. We’ve done that, so far, but I just can’t bring myself to open up the crib & actually set it up. I don’t think I’ll be able to do that until we actually get a referral. So far, my wish of getting my referral before my 40th birthday is not looking good. I’ve got less than 2 months to go before I reach that milestone, I guess I’m hoping for a miracle.

Monday, March 5, 2012

A Boo-Hoo Haiku for You, or 3 years waiting

3 very long years
My heart is numb, anxious, sad
Where is my wee girl?

In honour of the auspicious (?) occasion of our 3 year anniversary of waiting to be matched with our girl, I thought I’d dazzle you all with some poetry. Yes, it’s a haiku, but I have to admit that I’ve been out of school so long that I had to look up the haiku structure online. I guess my brain jettisoned that information long ago to make room for the scads & scads & scads of useless trivia that currently resides in my brain. For example, did you know that the gestation period for a Norway rat (the most common rat in the US) is 3 weeks? I knew that. Why? Who knows.

So yes, it’s been 3 years since our dossier was officially logged into Ethiopia. I never imagined that we’d still be waiting for a match, but if this process has taught me anything, it’s that you can never take anything for granted. That’s true of life in general – things will never happen on your timetable, they will happen when they happen, and not a second before. This wait has brought me many “gifts” – new friends (that is something I will be eternally grateful for), happiness (when our file was approved by the provincial ministry, for example), anger (at various points of the process, which I’ve documented here), anxiety (the suspense of waiting for our match is KILLING me), perspective. Andrew & I marked the occasion by going to the VW dealership (I hit a pothole HARD last week, so we had them check out why there is now a vibration when you’re travelling slowly – turns out the rim is slightly bent on the inside), then to a super-cool health/organic food store (that was mostly for Andrew), then to a nice, leisurely lunch at Milestones. After that I invested in some badly needed workout gear, since I plan to join Crossfit later this month (if I’m going to be a mom, I’d better raise my fitness level above it’s current level of “extreme sloth”). Adoption-wise, referrals haven’t exactly been coming in thick & fast, but the Ethiopian program does seem to move more steadily & “quickly” than many other programs, at least at the moment. At this point, it’s just a matter of being patient & waiting your turn. Easier said than done when your 40th birthday is looming large on the horizon.