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Monday, November 28, 2011

This is hard.

Some days, the waiting is okay, it's just there in the background, like a ticking clock - you know it's there, but it doesn't really call attention to itself, it's just part of the background noise. And some days, like today, it's all you can hear. You try to shake it off, try to force it into the background, but it keeps popping up, like an annoying, yappy dog that WILL NOT LEAVE YOU ALONE. The waiting is weighing heavily on me today. I suppose it because our good friends have just arrive home from Ethiopia with their new son. They're in a new phase of adopting, the "no more waiting" phase, the "home" phase, where you get to know each other, get to bond & attach & become a family. We're still in the waiting, waiting, waiting phase, and I feel so alone. I know we're not, I know there are lots of other families with our agency that are still waiting, but that doesn't make it any easier. I don't "know" them, they aren't my good friends, they don't "get" me. Don't get me wrong, I am over-the-moon ecstatic for my friends, for the realization of their dream, but I'm so, so, so jealous. In 4 months we will have been waiting 3 years to be matched with our daughter. How long before that dream comes true? How long? A month, 2 months? 6 months? A year? Right now, it feels so far away.


BCMommy said...

Oh, Janna, I so know what you mean. Reading posts on the yahoo group about people leaving for court and making plans and coming home...I am happy for them, but feel guilty for being so envious.

We will be 3 yrs DTE in April. I can't stand this anymore! I was so hopeful and sure we'd have a referral by the fall...that's what I thought in the spring.

So, I hear you. I know it feels so lonely. No one here (in my vicinity) gets it either. That's why I rely so heavily on the words of the bloggie moms I've met. It helps to read blogs and know others feel like I do.
Fingers crossed referrals pick up again really soon.


CinnamonOpus said...

I had a big long reply and then I deleted it, and all I can say is this:

Hugs. Lots and lots. I've been there. Let me know if you need some distraction, or maybe just someone to talk or vent to.

Janna said...

Thanks Claire, I really appreciate your support & friendship!

Janna said...

Cinn, I am all for getting together again very soon - that would be just the thing to boost my flagging spirits! Let me know when you're free!

CinnamonOpus said...

I will email you and we can make plans!