Merry Christmas everyone

That's right - Merry Christmas to all 3 people that read my blog! I was hoping for a Christmas referral miracle this year, but it just wasn't in the cards. That's okay, it gives 2012 a chance to blow 2011 out of the water! Here are some things I want for 2012:

For my family to be healthy (especially my mom, who is having surgery on 12/29 to remove some (hopefully non-cancerous) lumps from her thyroid).

For continued happiness.

To know who my daughter is (finally).

For my kittehs to get along (finally).

I'm not asking for much, I don't think.

Merry Christmas to all, and a Happy, prosperous 2012!

Awesome band names - super teehee edition

This one I got from one of my favourite websites, Go Fug Yourself. It was used in reference to a be-sequinned, be-feathered get up that Fergie Ferg was wearing at some soiree. So, without further ado, I give you Weaponized Emu! The visual itself, of an emu packing heat, makes me laugh out loud. Weaponized Emu is a "rock" band, one of those bands like Nickelback, that aren't really all that good, whose songs all sound the same, and who no one will admit to liking. Hey, I said I loved the name, not the band.....

Let it go, let it go, let it go.....

And by go, I mean "leave". This has been a very difficult Christmas season so far, one of the hardest that I can remember, and that includes the 8 Christmases I've spent apart from my family (thank God for my "adopted" Christmas family in Australia!). I am not in a Christmas mood at all this year, and I'm pretty sure it's all to do with the adoption (or the lack thereof). We were in the mall on Saturday, doing some shopping on behalf of my mom, and the store just happened to be right next to the "get your picture taken with Santa" area. It was all I could do to get past the little ones (dressed up to the nines) & their parents without bursting into tears, and then the store we went to was geared specifically to children, so that didn't help either. I don't remember feeling like this the last 2 Christmases just past. It's not that I'm jealous of everyone who has kids, it's just that I'm really, really bummed that we don't have one of our own yet. I don't feel like putting up any decorations, or any lights, or a tree, or anything like that. I am looking forward to exchanging gifts with my family, though - I think I've done a pretty good job this year with my purchases! It's just that, Christmas is for children, and it's a constant reminder that I don't have one.

OMG, SRSLY?

Just had to get this off my chest, since I am at work & can't complain about it here. So, here at work my team puts in money every month to play the lottery, in hopes that someday we will all be gazillionaires (heh, like that's ever going to happen!). Anyhoo, in the last 6 months or so we have amassed about $350.00. One of our team is leaving us to go to a new job, so we agreed to pay out everything & start afresh in the new year. We were going to use some of the money to pay for this last month of lottery-playing, then use the rest for something that we all agreed on - a joint lunch, some sort of treat, and I suggested that we use the money to purchase a "gift" from Plan Canada for someone who REALLY needs it this Christmas (a goat, some chickens, some rabbits, something like that). Christmas is about giving, isn't it? Turns out that some of us (okay, one of us) isn't on board with the whole "giving to others" thing. The amount of money left over amounts to $8.00 per person, so I don't see what the big honking deal is! I can't force everyone to come around to my way of thinking, but not wanting to give to those needier than yourself just seems really petty to me. I mean, $8.00 a person won't even pay for a Swi$$ Ch@let lunch for everyone. This just makes me sad. It's not that it was my idea & it got shot down (that happens all the time). I just thought it would be a nice idea & would make us all feel warm & toasty & tingly inside. Boo, team member who never wants to participate in any team activity, boo to you.

This is hard.

Some days, the waiting is okay, it's just there in the background, like a ticking clock - you know it's there, but it doesn't really call attention to itself, it's just part of the background noise. And some days, like today, it's all you can hear. You try to shake it off, try to force it into the background, but it keeps popping up, like an annoying, yappy dog that WILL NOT LEAVE YOU ALONE. The waiting is weighing heavily on me today. I suppose it because our good friends have just arrive home from Ethiopia with their new son. They're in a new phase of adopting, the "no more waiting" phase, the "home" phase, where you get to know each other, get to bond & attach & become a family. We're still in the waiting, waiting, waiting phase, and I feel so alone. I know we're not, I know there are lots of other families with our agency that are still waiting, but that doesn't make it any easier. I don't "know" them, they aren't my good friends, they don't "get" me. Don't get me wrong, I am over-the-moon ecstatic for my friends, for the realization of their dream, but I'm so, so, so jealous. In 4 months we will have been waiting 3 years to be matched with our daughter. How long before that dream comes true? How long? A month, 2 months? 6 months? A year? Right now, it feels so far away.

It's been a long time...

since I posted anything of note. In fact, I had to look at my blog to see what the last significant posting was that I made. If that sentence wasn’t grammatically clunky, I don’t know what is. Anyhoo, on to the update.

OF ADOPTION SIGNIFICANCE: Going in chronological order: Andrew went to the agency on October 20 to drop off the updated paperwork we had gathered for our file (see: So Much Angry, So Little Time) & to “chat” to the file manager (not The Idiot) and to the managing director. The visit went well, really well, and it sounds like they are walking on eggshells around our file, which is what should have been happening all along (in a good way, I mean). They bent over backwards to help him, and even showed him where we are on the list (according to the director, we are 4th in line to receive a referral for a baby girl up to 18 months old at placement). They said they would be very surprised if we don’t have a referral in the next 6 months (so, by the end of April). That is great, wonderful news – I’m just having a really, really hard time believing this will actually happen. We’ve been waiting for so long (we started the paperwork 3.5 years ago, been officially waiting for a referral for over 2.5 years), and so much has happened (bankruptcy, Idiot paperwork bungle) that I am terrified of putting all my hope in this, and having my heart smashed into a million pieces. There have been a couple of referrals for infant girls recently, so that is helping me keep the faith.
October 21 – We are advised that The Idiot has decided to leave the agency, for personal reasons. Whether or not that was the only reason, who knows. All I know is – he messed up our file & did NOTHING to fix it. He waited until I went to someone else for help, & they discovered the problem. Apparently, he also bungled other families’ files, to varying degrees. Whatever the reason he left, I am glad he is gone. Yes, it puts more work on those employees still with the agency, but at least the work will be done correctly. Adoption is life-changing, and shouldn’t be taken lightly, or for granted, by any of the parties involved.
Right now – We’re still waiting on our stat dec paperwork, but we’re told that it should come in very soon (heh – we’ve heard that before!). We’ve paid the appropriate amount to the correct people, so everything is in order. And we can still get a referral, even if the stat dec isn’t quite ready yet. We’ve been working a bit more on the baby’s room – we moved the “spare room” dresser from the spare room into the nursery, and moved the tall dresser from the nursery to the spare room. The “spare room” dresser is much lower than the tall dresser, and we can use it as a change table with the addition of a foam changing pad, so that is space-saving! When we went to Buffalo 3 weeks ago we went to the Fisher Price World Headquarters in East Aurora as a side trip (nice little town – you should go!) and bought a high chair (the sort you put on a normal kitchen chair) and a diaper bag (a plain dark brown bag that Andrew will not be ashamed to carry). Slowly we are amassing all the ephemera a baby could ever need (well, except for the essentials – diapers, wipes, food, etc).
Also right now – Our friends are in Ethiopia RIGHT NOW picking up their son. I can’t believe he’ll be home for Christmas!

OF FAMILY SIGNIFICANCE: My brother is having colon resection surgery tomorrow, to remove part of his colon that has been damaged by his colitis & to fix some related damage. According to the doctor, once he has recovered he will be able to eat normally again, and will feel like he has never had colitis. That, my friends? Is music to my ears. He’s been suffering for the better part of a year with this beast called colitis & I will be SOOOO HAPPY to see him back to his old self. In related news, my niece continues to be TOO STINKIN’ CUTE, and even used the potty willingly for the first time the last time we were at her house (about 2 weeks ago)! Hooray for childhood milestones! She has a brand new cousin, too, born at the end of October. Lucky girl.

OF NO PARTICULAR SIGNIFICANCE: We’ve started our Christmas shopping and are about two-thirds finished. I’m very pleased with the choices we’ve made for our loved ones, though I really do need to get cracking on my brother’s stocking (we pick names out of a hat to see whose stocking we will fill that year – I got my brother). I have been hinting that I’d really, really like something from Tiffanys this year, before become a family of 3 & money is more tight. I’m not sure that Andrew is getting the hint, though. I learned some cool things while we were shopping in Buffalo earlier this month: Pandora charms are significantly cheaper in the States, it is possible to get a Coach bag for less than $120.00 (including taxes!), Black & Blue Steak & Seafood is a REALLY nice place to eat, and, if you’re going to a Sabres hockey game, there will always be a competitively priced parking lot much closer to the arena than the one you parked in. I learned that last one the hard way, but at least I got some exercise!

So, that’s where I’ve been. I’m looking forward to this upcoming holiday season, to seeing friends & family, to kicking back & enjoying good company, holiday movies (Elf 4EVA!) and tasty nibbles (I’ve got this jalapeno popper dip recipe I’m dying to try out). And who knows? Maybe Santa will leave something extra special (a referral!) under my tree…..

Totally Awesome Band Names - it's been way too long edition

Courtesy of the Mythbusters, the latest Totally Awesome Band Name is Puppetted Dung. It's from the myth they did a bunch of years ago about whether or not elephants are afraid of mice. As it turns out, they are! And that is totally cool. I see Puppetted Dung as a heavy metal group (of course), mostly because I can't see a boy band or a folk group or a pop group with a word like Dung in their name.