Cast away

Where do we go from here? I guess that depends on where here is. Best case scenario – all the dossiers currently in Ethiopia are referred children & we can all complete our adoptions. Worst case scenario – our money is gone forever. Slightly better case scenario – we don’t get a referral but we do get at least some of our money back. Without getting at least some of our money back, I don’t know if we can move forward with another adoption. It’s a good thing we didn’t go into debt for this adoption – oh wait, we did. What happens to the paperwork that’s with the Ethiopian side of things? Do we get that back? If not, we’re going to have to pay to get all the paperwork again. What happens to our homestudy – do we need to get approved again if we change to a different agency/ country? I feel like we just squeaked by with approval last time, what with my weight & all. The government even requested a weight loss plan from me, for the next 18 months. Have I lost a single pound since I submitted that plan – no, no I have not. That’s another issue I’ve discussed briefly before, I won’t revisit it here. Honestly, I’m at a loss. I’m numb, I’m devastated, I’m angry. Good thing we didn’t buy a stroller. Oh wait, we did. And some clothes, and a baby gate. We got a crib & playpen from friends of ours. I’m not giving up entirely on having a child, but this certainly throws a spanner into the works. It was just starting to feel real, and being part of the Ethiopian adoptive community was just awesome, I finally felt a sense of belonging. Now I feel adrift again.